Safe Online Sex - A Beginner Friendly Guide
Virtual sex can be used to refer to any sort of sexual communication that occurs online, ranging from sexting to a one night stand via Zoom. Yes, Zoom. While most of us have associated Zoom with school and work, there is a secret, sassy yet-to-be-explored side – it CAN be used to have sex, and so can any other video platform. But, remember to have pleasurable sex – you need to stay safe. Yeah, no shit Sherlock, but how does one do that …online?
For starters, How do I approach my partner?
So while approaching your partner may seem kind of daunting, know that it is essential to keep your communication game strong, especially if you’re in a relationship. Firstly, it is vital for you to keep your head clear, know that virtual intimacy is nothing to be embarrassed about. Only after you accept this will you be able to communicate it to your partner. “Using ‘I’ expressions really helps in conveying your feelings,” says Dr Lauri Mintz, author, Becoming Cliteriate and a professor at the University of Florida.
Here’s a sample script that you could maybe use if you’re really confused – (which is totally alright!) “Hi, so I was reading up on virtual intimacy earlier the other day, it sounds pretty fun to me, are you up for trying it?” Remember, the golden rule of intimacy – CONSENT. Always give them a choice. While sending nudes may be something you’re up for, they might not be fully comfortable with the idea yet, or vice versa. Accept the fact that you and your partner might not be on the same page, which is perfectly fine! (no judgements given or taken!)
But, what if you’re not committed to a serious relationship and you’re looking into just a couple of pleasurable nights? Don’t worry, that’s perfectly fine too! Again, remember the golden rule, always give and ask for consent first.
So like, what’s the standard?
So, the truth is *drumroll* there is no standard to online sex, and any sort of intimate act for that matter. Intimacy is just a canvas for you to explore yourself, your needs and your desires in your relationship. Because it’s so personal and subjective, there is no one standard that you should adhere to. You might wanna have a quick “review” session where you just talk about what worked, and what didn’t, again don’t stress yourself yearning for the perfect. It doesn’t even exist in the first place. Embrace what gives you pleasure, and what makes you feel connected, because hey, the purpose of this activity in the first place was to make you feel connected with your partner.
How do I “spice” it up?
So now that you’ve passed the initial stages of talking through and asking for consent, (IMPORTANT: consent needs to be asked for at every step) and you’ve got an enthusiastic yes, you might be looking into your options on how to spice things up a little. Do remember, you do not have to “spice” it up if you don’t want to. This is not by any means a requirement to having virtual sex. (what you guys have is sexy and spicy too!) Here are a few things you can do to make things a bit interesting-
- Create a sex playlist which you could play over the call, or listen to a sensual story!
- If you’re looking for build up, try sharing nudes and sexts throughout the day for a more exciting night. (again, ask for consent, tho)
- Maybe you’re too stressed and you’re looking to assess yourself, don’t worry we got you covered with these super friendly sex worksheets compiled by Dr Emily Nagoski.
- If watching porn together is something you might be interested in, try out these porn sites (that are gender inclusive and ethical, too!)
- Another thing you could do is explore the word of sex and pleasure toys! Here is a list of feminist sex toy shops that you could look into
Again, these are just suggestions that we found interesting, there really is no limit to how you chose to explore this!
Okay, That’s Cool.. But How Do We Stay Safe?
No safe sex is not limited to just wearing a condom. And yes, sex does exist even in the context of virtual sex. Here are a few ways you can stay safe – (even if you’re being intimate with your partner, or if you’re having intimate nights)
- Always use end-to-end encrypted video platforms. A lot of social media sites are not end-to-end encrypted, so be careful whenever you sext or send nudes!
- Sometimes, when you take a picture something called the exif data is created – that records your location and address as well. You can clear the data of your image by using Exif Metadata/Photo Exif Editor. Do consider keeping your face private whenever possible.
- Do clear out your icloud regularly! There is a huge chance that some of your videos and images might get stored
- You also might wanna use VPN (Virtual Private network) to send in videos/texts/images rather than using a common public wifi. It reduced chances of hacking by a great extent.
So, there you have it, a beginner friendly guide to safe online sex! Before you go, remember that safe and consensual intimacy is the sexiest!
Cover Ilustration: metro.co.uk
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