Of Lesser Known Sadnesses, Highlighting Post-Sex Blues
Have you ever felt a deep sadness in a moment that was seemingly full of joy? Have you ever felt sadness over nothing at all? Among all the languages spoken through countless centuries, perhaps grief is one that each of us are familiar with.
The truth is, sadness is a nuanced emotion; one that is omnipresent and ever-changing. While it certainly isn’t a completely negative emotion (sadness from time-to-time keeps us grounded to reality), an overwhelming amount of it can get in the way of our day-to-day lives, affecting our ability to live freely and in the moment. To avoid this, we must first become aware, and in order to become aware, we must self-reflect.
In this article, we will gain a deeper insight into emotions that feel too overwhelming to call “sadness”, but vague enough for them not to be a part of our daily lexicon.
│Mono no aware│ Anticipatory Grief │Ubi sunt│Lacrimae rerum│
You’re watching your favorite web series with your bestie, popcorn in hand, giggles echoing through the room. You glance at each other mid-chuckle, and erupt into laughter once again. But this time, there is a lump in your throat. It seems as though this will be a moment you will look back on with bittersweet nostalgia, in a time when they aren’t in your life anymore.
Relationships are formed. Sometimes, they are gradual, like a river steering its course through rock, only growing stronger as time passes. Sometimes, they arise like winds that mould a tornado – hurried, intense, powerful. One does not undermine the other. Both have the potential to bloom into something treasured, and so they also have the ability to destroy themselves. Being constantly aware of this cycle gives rise to anticipatory grief.
So, what’s the science behind it? Some people say it happens because of an inherent fear of death, and some say it’s due to a fear of life’s natural course. While the reason isn’t clear, it is a common emotion that a lot of us deal with. While we cannot stop these lines of anxious thoughts, it’s best to regulate them and practice the oldest trick in the book – making the most out of our time here on Earth, celebrating everything we’re grateful for, and choosing to live in the moment.
Take a look at these snippets from: The Unsent Project
│Fernweh│Saudade│ Yearning │Sehnsucht│
You glance at your partner sleeping beside you after a hard day’s work. You observe their soft features, and cannot help but imagine the day you both will be done with the rat-race of life, and finally have the time to indulge in the things you love. You edit your “bucket-list”, but it seems to be a little abstract. You go to bed with a lingering sense of longing in your heart.
Life gets mundane at times, and in those moments, we seek comfort in our imagination – the distant day when we will finally make that vacation happen with friends, the day we can get a house in this economy, the day we can go to bed without thoughts about the next big deadline. Sometimes, these thoughts can be short term, doable. At other times, it seems all too vast and impossible.
What if I told you that the day we’re looking forward to might not be all that far off? If you’re yearning for the day you can travel and form experiences, start small – the avenues of the town you grew up in might have something you’ve never noticed before! If you’re yearning for something that is a little abstract and hard to pin down, this might still work out in your favor – go ahead and make them core memories!
Here are a few Tumblr posts labelled as #yearning.
│ Melancholy │Toska│Kaamos│Weltschmerz│
You are sprawled out on the bed on a Sunday night, staring at the ceiling. Problems feel meaningless, and the world seems like it would go on just fine without you. Afterall, aren’t humans just specks of brief existences in this ever-expanding universe? The ceiling seems to weigh right on your chest.
A profound sadness that encompasses everything and nothing at all – a deep sense of misery for the state of the world and all the beings within it. Actually, scratch that. Maybe words aren’t enough to describe this particular emotion.
Take a look at these liminal spaces posted by @SpaceLiminalBot that attempt to evoke the feeling.
Highlighting: Post-Sex Blues
You have a caring partner. But why does that period after physical intimacy feel so… sad? It’s almost like a burst of helplessness and depression, and you want nothing more than to detach yourself from their physical embrace. It’s not their fault but… you just can’t pinpoint it.
If you frequently tend to feel a range of negative emotions including sadness, irritability, agitation, anxiety, and depression after enthusiastic and consensual sex with a partner, you may have Postcoital Dysphoria, also referred to as “post-sex blues.” While there is no specific cure, if the emotions tend to persist, it may be indicative of underlying mental health issues, which must be addressed by a professional. Therapy can also help uncover previous trauma and help in moving forward.
A Symposium of Sadness and Sex
So, is there a link between the two? Of course! Our brains are complicated, complicated organs, and our thoughts (even if not acted upon!) end up affecting our behaviors, perceptions, and reactions.
In short, prolonged sadness is due to disruption of neurotransmitters (fun little chemicals) in our brains, causing various mental health effects like anxiety and depression to name a few. This in turn impacts all the other domains of health, including sexual and reproductive health.
Here are a few effects illustrated in the image below!
Hence, it is extremely important to take care of our health in all of its forms; neglecting any one aspect of it creates a multitude of domino effects.
Footnotes
According to this research, there were 27 distinct emotions felt by the study participants, each of them are interconnected to one another, creating a complex web of feelings and perceptions. Take a look at this well-curated interactive map documenting their findings! Viewer discretion is advised for some of the videos shown.
While this article attempted to expand on a few thoughts particular to sadness, there are dozens (if not hundreds) that it has probably missed! Just take a look at this haunting website that documents words of “Obscure Sadnesses”.
Comment down below if you have any other words you’d like to add to our list, and remember, it’s not all doom & gloom; happiness reaches everyone!
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