Not All Scars Are Visible: Recognize the Hidden Signs of Intimate Partner and Domestic Violence
- From Love to Control: Romantic gestures can mask control; recognizing subtle shifts early is key.
- Abuse Isn’t Always Visible: Emotional, financial, psychological and technological abuse are equally harmful and often overlooked.
- Self-Awareness Breaks the Cycle: Noticing patterns like manipulation and criticism can help stop harmful cycles.
- Healing Needs Support: Lean on friends, self-care, and counselling to rebuild after leaving a toxic relationship.
Introduction
In society, there are unfortunately several types of violence that exist and there also exist individuals who are unaware that they are being victim to a few of those types. Individuals sometimes do not realize that they are part of a violent relationship if that form of violence is not physical or sexual in nature. While those are easier to point a finger at; emotional, economic, psychological, technological violence are the red flags that we sometimes miss out.
From February being the month of love to October being the month of Intimate Partner and Domestic Violence Awareness we crossed 7 months in between, or were they 7 stages of trauma bonding? Every couple looks forward to February, the month of love, expecting nothing but romance and affection. But here’s something surprising: the first stage of trauma bonding often starts with Love bombing. It sounds odd, doesn’t it? Why would we look for red flags when someone is showering us with love? It’s of course not a warning sign but if it is followed by the next stages of trauma bonding, then one should definitely step back.
The next stages include:
- Trust and dependency (eg. a partner who takes care of all finances and decisions and asks you to leave your source of income generation using manipulative statements)
- Criticism (eg. negative remarks about appearance, intelligence, personality, capabilities, hobbies, etc.)
- Gaslighting (manipulation of the victim’s perception of reality, causing them to doubt their memory or sanity)
- Emotional addiction (eg. creating a cycle of reward and punishment, being affectionate after every episode of abuse, making them expect for “good times to come back”)
- Loss of self (victim loses their sense of identity, their own needs and desires seem unimportant), and
- Resignation (accepting the violence as normal behavior)
While pointing out words can be easier and give us more clarity, actions such as emotional manipulation or technical surveillance under the guise of “love and care” makes it trickier to detect. Now I am not asking all happy in love individuals out there to start questioning the worthiness of the love you are receiving, neither am I asking you to mistake love as the first stage of trauma bonding and I am definitely not some trending pookie baba who will make you think about “koi tumse pyaar kyu karega?” – the only point opinion instead is that love does not always mean “I love you” but it definitely means “I care for you” – however what does not equate to “I care for you” includes all sorts of violence.
An entire month being named after something so upsetting should make us realize the dire need for awareness to be spread. The cycle might never let you stop going in circles if we normalize unhealthy signs.
Now to be honest I’m all for love and always suggest people around me to hold on to people, that maybe – maybe after having a conversation with them, they’ll understand your concerns, the inappropriate behaviour since nobody’s perfect, right? But if those conversations always end up in vain due to fake promises, then you’re still circling around.
Conclusion
To stop this harm to self, you might want to consider more permanent solutions like separation or distancing yourself from all aspects of the individual. Practice self-care, surround yourself with people who care about you and give yourself some time to heal. As basic as it may sound, it helps. You can also reach out to a therapist or counsellor experienced in dealing with trauma and abuse or join support groups for the same.
Breaking free is not easy but it begins with acknowledging that abuse comes in many forms, even if there are no visible scars.
Resources for Help
If you are looking for help, here are a few reliable resources to reach out to:
Women’s Helpline 181
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