Level Up Your Going Down Game - Your Essential Cunnilingus Guide
Cunnilingus is the act of performing oral sex on a vulva. There are few experiences as intimate, and even fewer as intimidating, as going down on someone. A gazillion questions run through your mind while you try to find the ever-elusive Bermuda triangle of the vulva – the clitoris. Fret not! We’re here to make things easier for you. A little theory and a lot of practice can make you a pro. So let’s begin.
Chapter 1: Landscape Analysis
Before we jump into cunnilingus techniques, we must first understand the complex territory that is a vulva. Don’t worry, this isn’t Biology 101. We’ll stick to learning about the erogenous zones a.k.a. feel-good spots of a vulva :
- The Big C
The clitoris is the holy grail of pleasure. It’s your best friend when it comes to making your partner climax. But it often takes time and effort to find it – let alone befriend it. Here’s how I like to think of it:
If the vulva were a face, the clitoris would be the nose.
The glans clitoris (the external part of the clit that’s visible to us) is just the tip of the iceberg, but more on that some other time. It is located above the opening of the urethra. Over the glans clitoris is the clitoral hood (looks exactly what it sounds like) which lies at the intersection of the labia minora. Speaking of –
- The Lips (the ones downstairs)
The labia are basically folds of skin surrounding the vaginal opening. There are two types – majora (outer) and minora (inner). They are called “lips” not just because they look the part but also because they’re meant to be kissed.
- The vaginal opening is another lesser-known pleasure spot that may heighten pleasure when stimulated through gentle tapping and encircling.
Chapter 2: Doing the deed
Now that you have gotten the lay of the land, let’s get to the crux of this article.
Many people think of cunnilingus as foreplay. Well, I think cunnilingus deserves its very own foreplay. Licking the bean from the get-go is a no-go! Start with the areas surrounding the clitoris – the mons pubis, the labia, etc. You may want to go further south towards the vaginal opening or even the perineum if that is something your partner likes. Finally, you move on to the sanctum sanctorum – the clitoris.
Most importantly – and I cannot emphasize this enough – start slow. The golden rule for cunnilingus: Begin with subtle, teasing movements and gradually build up. Be receptive to how your partner is responding and adjust the pace accordingly. A safe place to start would be applying gentle pressure with your tongue. Then you can try experimenting with different types of movements. All vulvas are unique and so are their preferences. Here are some techniques to try out:
- up and down
- side to side
- clockwise or anticlockwise circles
- wrapping your lips around the clitoris/labia and gently sucking
Note: Don’t switch between different types of movements. Ask your partner what works best for them and stick to it. When it comes to cunnilingus, repetition and consistency will get you across the line.
As the last stop, you may also use your fingers or a sex toy. Fingering the vagina or the G-spot while stimulating the clitoris with your tongue can maximize pleasure. But only try this if your partner has specifically consented to penetration!
Chapter 3 : Things to note
In honor of my love for listicles, here are some bonus tips for bonus pleasure –
- Dirty talk – owning a vulva comes with its own set of insecurities. Licking, flicking, nibbling, sucking aside, make sure you use your mouth for complimenting your partner and try your best to make them feel comfortable.
- Stroke ’em thighs – the inner thighs are quite erogenous. Caressing and kissing them can be wonderfully intimate.
- Eye contact – some people like eye contact during sex, some don’t. If you and your partner are comfortable with it, don’t be shy to drop occasional glances while you’re eating them out.
- Moaning, slurping, suctioning sounds can be a real turn-on for many.
- Important – if your partner seems to be really enjoying themselves or nearing an orgasm, keep doing exactly what you’re doing. Many tend to go harder, faster. Do not do that unless your partner specifically asks you to.
- Reaching an orgasm (if that’s the goal) can take a while. Make sure you are both in comfortable positions. Feel free to take a break if you experience cramping in your mouth.
Don’t forget that STD transmission is a major risk even during oral sex. Discuss your STI statuses before going down on them. If either of you is STI-positive or unsure about your status, use a dental dam.
Conclusion
Cunnilingus is easier said than done. It can be scary and awkward but also immensely rewarding and of course, pleasurable. This article is only a basic guideline that may not work for everyone. As such, it is very important to constantly read the room and ask your partner what they want since they know their bodies best. Lastly, oral sex doesn’t have to be a one-sided exchange of pleasure. So don’t forget to have fun yourself!
Cover Illustration: Self.com
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