How to Support Domestic Violence Survivors – Interviews with Psychotherapists
- Domestic violence is not just physical abuse; it includes emotional, verbal, and psychological abuse.
- Survivors often face societal pressures and personal fears that prevent them from seeking help.
- Trauma bonding and financial dependence can keep survivors trapped in abusive relationships.
- One-stop centres provide comprehensive support services for survivors of domestic violence.
- It’s essential to create a safe and supportive environment for survivors and encourage them to seek help.
Domestic violence in India is a multifaceted issue often hidden by stigma. To illuminate this critical topic, we turn to experienced psychologists Bhavya Kumar and Anmol Bhargava, alums of the Tata Institute of Social Sciences.
Bhavya, with three years of experience as a psychotherapist, has supported survivors of emotional and physical abuse at one-stop centres. She has listened to diverse stories of pain and resilience, highlighting the common struggle for healing.
Anmol is a psychologist and researcher deeply passionate about gender justice and mental health. She holds a master’s in applied psychology from Tata Institute of Social Sciences, Mumbai, and has provided mental health support to domestic violence survivors.
How do we define domestic violence? What are the subtle signs of domestic violence?
Anmol and Bhavya:
When we think about domestic or intimate partner violence, the term “violence” often conjures images of physical abuse—hitting or assault. However, it’s essential to recognise that violence can also manifest as verbal or emotional abuse, where individuals may experience gaslighting, manipulation, and control over their freedom.
In rural India, for instance, women may face immense pressure to fulfil traditional roles, often feeling confined to household duties. Stepping outside can lead to scolding or even being locked away, all of which constitute forms of domestic violence.
Recognising the signs of abuse can be challenging. Physical signs, like bruises or scars, are visible, but emotional abuse can leave invisible wounds. Survivors might exhibit anxiety or nervousness, making it harder to identify their struggles. The best approach is often open, compassionate communication.
Traditionally, society has linked domestic violence primarily with physical harm, but the emotional impact is profound and lasting. The saying “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me” doesn’t hold in the context of intimate partner violence. Emotional abuse can be just as damaging, if not more so. Ultimately, the spectrum of domestic violence encompasses a range of experiences, from emotional to physical abuse, affecting countless individuals in today’s society. It’s crucial to acknowledge and address all forms of violence to foster understanding and support for those affected.
What factors might lead survivors of domestic violence to stay in an abusive relationship and why do they often find it challenging to seek help or return to their abusers?
ANMOL: I’d like to start by addressing the socio-political lens of domestic violence. Many survivors lack viable options for seeking help, as our social framework emphasises family loyalty and discourages leaving a marriage. These ingrained beliefs can make individuals feel trapped, especially in rural areas with limited resources and awareness. We must push for grassroots change to challenge these harmful narratives.
BHAVYA: Absolutely. Societal norms often frame domestic violence primarily as men assaulting women. I recently saw a meme during Karva Chauth questioning women’s safety while fasting for their husbands. This highlights how deeply women are conditioned to prioritise marriage and reverence for their partners, leading many to perceive their experiences as usual.
When women do speak out, they’re often dismissed as overreacting. Men also face stigma; in a male-dominated society, admitting to being abused by a woman can bring a different kind of shame. In less progressive areas, families may ignore these issues altogether, especially if arranged marriages are involved, which can lead to a cycle of stigma affecting everyone.
ANMOL: That’s a crucial point. Looking at the issue holistically reveals how patriarchy, societal expectations, and family dynamics intertwine to create a complex environment for domestic violence.
BHAVYA: From an individual perspective, love can lead someone to tolerate abusive behaviour feeling a deep connection to their partner. Societal and familial pressures often compound this; in India, survivors may internalise the belief that they deserve the abuse. Many fear the unknown and may think, “This partner verbally abuses me, but at least they don’t hit me,” complicating their decision to stay.
ANMOL: Exactly. Even when individuals recognise the abuse, trauma bonding can keep them from leaving. This psychological response creates a strong emotional connection to the abuser, normalising the situation and blurring the lines of acceptable behaviour. Over time, this can lead to increasingly harmful circumstances, making it hard for victims to gauge their reality.
How can we create a safe and supportive environment for our household help, especially if we think they might be experiencing domestic violence?
Anmol: The fundamental step is to create a safe environment for employees, especially if you suspect they might be experiencing abuse at home. Employers must be mindful of this reality, mainly since many women who visit centres like Stree Mukti Sangat come from disadvantaged socio-economic backgrounds and may lack educational opportunities.
Raising awareness is crucial; these women need to know there are resources available to them, including legal, psychological, and physical support. The priority should be ensuring they understand that help exists and have options. Organisations like one-stop centres and Stree Mukti Sangat provide comprehensive services, including mental health support and legal aid, and are valuable resources for those in need. Fostering this awareness is an essential first step for employers or individuals from more privileged backgrounds.
Bhavya: You’re right—many people are still unaware of one-stop centres, which the government thoughtfully designs to support needy women. These centres, typically within government hospital campuses, employ only women, creating a welcoming and safe environment. They’re strategically placed to help women who might be hesitant to seek help due to familial pressures. For instance, a woman wanting to file a complaint could be stopped by family members, but if she says she’s going to the hospital for a check-up, she can discreetly access the one-stop centre.
At these centres, services are comprehensive: there’s always a lawyer, police officers (also women), social workers, and psychologists available. Everything is provided free of charge, including legal assistance. It’s surprising how many people remain unaware of these resources, which can be life-changing for those seeking help.
As you pointed out, raising awareness is vital, especially among those from more privileged backgrounds. Many individuals hesitate to get involved, often due to concerns about the effort required or the lengthy nature of legal processes. This can lead to exhaustion for both survivors and their supporters. Thus, fostering an empathetic atmosphere where individuals know support is available can make a significant difference. Knowing that someone cares and is willing to listen can be incredibly empowering for anyone facing difficulties, as many may not even realise what they’re experiencing is wrong.
If someone shows up at your door displaying signs of distress, like bruises, it’s crucial to approach the situation with sensitivity and care. Being informed and supportive can lead to significant positive changes in their lives.
Where are these one-stop centres located, and how easy can people from all walks of life access them?
Bhavya: One-stop centres are established nationwide, with at least one available in every district. They are typically located on government hospital campuses, though the centres are separate buildings outside the hospital.
Bhavya: One important message I always want to share is that help is always available. Recognising that what you’re experiencing is wrong and that support exists is crucial. In today’s world, you can easily find resources with a simple Google search or by reaching out to organisations and social workers. Even if you feel alone, many foundations, emergency services like 100 or 112, and women’s helplines are ready to assist you.
For those who are suffering, it’s important to remember that no one understands your pain better than you do. Your experience is uniquely yours, and while others can empathise, they can never fully grasp what you’re going through. The challenges you face are often more profound than they may seem. I hesitate to use phrases like “you can get through this” or “it will pass” because the reality is that the pain can linger. It’s a significant grief that you learn to live with, and it often leaves lasting scars.
Anmol – “I want to say to anyone, no matter your background or who you are, it’s okay. I’m not here to offer clichés like ‘this will pass,’ but to remind you that finding the courage to take that first step can make all the difference. It may not seem easy now, but it does get more accessible in the long run, and you can do it.
We’re here for you. Many helplines and resources are available, including those tailored to specific communities. For instance, the queer community has dedicated Instagram pages offering legal, psychological, and emotional support. Whatever you need at the moment, these resources are there.
Remember, the courage is within you—you just have to take that first step.
This interview was taken by Dr. Vilakshana Kumar, a volunteer at Pratisandhi Foundation, and Baishali Mukherjee, Editor-in-Chief at Pratisandhi Foundation. We would love to once again send our heartfelt gratitude for the interviewees for having such an important conversation with us!
Socials of our estemeed interviewees: Bhavya Kumar and Anmol Bhargava
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